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| just yesterday i had another one of those really rough days...the days that make me wonder if i can keep on working here. then today came along. God's generosity to someone who doesnt really deserve anything. not a perfect day...but a pretty good one. granted a handful of students weren't here today but today there were some victories...D and I were able to work things out 3rd period. he actually followed some of my directions. i was able to work with and encourage some students who usually get by with out finishing their work. O and Oi turned in work today, with some gentle reminders to move some next steps of course. later in the evening there was a drama showcase. my former students were shining. we were all impressed with their performances. they were beaming. i couldn't stop laughing and smiling.
oh yeah, after school one of my students came by. he was just there to make up a couple quizzes. we started reviewing a little and then out of the blue he just started opening up to me...his former life, his honest thoughts, experiences he's had to go through with his family, with the streets, with bad crowds, with the county, things that still haunt him. he's on a road to change. he's just one of those students that when he cracks that little smile of knowing with me, it just makes that period have a lighter step. he's one of those kids that i really respect for taking a different path then many others around him...i respect him for keeping his cool in my class when others could have lost it, i respect him for how he asks questions truthfully, i respect him for stepping away from a fight when it would have been so much easier for his old self to swing, i respect him for keeping his word, i respect him for his maturity in thinking about not wanting to make his mother cry.
he told me this is the first person he's ever shared some of this stuff with, to a teacher even. he was told by his other teachers that he is failure and he just wanted to prove them wrong. he's doing alright in my class. oh yeah, the quizzes...the two F's are now a C+ and an A-. he's on the up.
you never know what the next day will bring. Thank you Jesus, for this one. I was encouraged.
"Do you hear what these children are saying?" they asked him.
"Yes," replied Jesus, "have you never read,
'From the lips of children and infants
you have ordained praise?'"
- Matthew 21:16
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| people have been asking me "so, hows married life?" and i was reminded yesterday (Sun) the importance of journaling and reflecting upon what God has done and is doing to realize that he is alive and active in our lives. so here goes some reflections on married life (even though its only been two months):
1. overall its been a sweet time and i am especially grateful to God that he gave us both this vacation time, as teachers, to really settle into married life
2. nothing is hidden...this is of course is good and bad. good in that there is an intimacy unrivaled by any human relationship on earth...there is a freedom, comfort, and inner secret knowledge that you can experience. bad in that all the negative things ive tried to hide or even was not aware of are uncovered...our weaknesses are exposed and unavoidable.
3. becoming one means that the stuff in our life also becomes one...ive lived with other people for a long time but its strange cuz i never really combined my things with theirs. where i put toiletries, important documents, mail, stationary, pictures, electronic gadgets, books, music, movies, etc. are now joint territory. we are learning to bring together our own idiosyncratic organization (or previously unorganized) systems of life together. this means giving up things that i have been used to as well as gaining things that i never had before.
4. speaking/thinking of ending the relationship is not an option: this of course is tied into the commitment/covenant of marriage. i must eliminate "split" from my mind and vocabulary. if i leave that option open, im creating a drain in our marriage...i am copping out of true love. it becomes a relationship of convenience and comfort not necessarily growth of character and relationship. so no matter what happens love is the commitment to work it out...or die trying.
5. renewed care for taking care of my body: this is not just because somebody else has to look at it all the time but because this too is love. when im not taking care of my body it hurts us (the new entity of husband and wife). before it didnt matter so much if i didnt have energy...but now if i dont take care of myself another person has to bear some of the weight of that...you cant do things together or be there when needed. this is not just true for the short term but for the long term...your spouse (and possibly even children) will have to pay for your poor health (not just monetarily but will have to bear the emotional pain of your illness).
6. God is a wise matchmaker: seriously, Ji, has really improved the quality of my life. there are so many ways that we balance each other, ways in which i really was ignorant about even when i was getting to know her when we were dating. it might not feel good all the time but we challenge each other with our respective strengths and weaknesses. my old youth pastor gave us two wise morsels of counsel. 1) marriage is not mainly for our happiness but for our holiness (which of course can be a happy thing...but not at the expense of it) 2) we are God's gift to each other.
im sure there's more but those are the big lessons in my mind right now.
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| 35Jesus went through all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the good news of the kingdom and healing every disease and sickness. 36When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. 37Then he said to his disciples, "The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. 38Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field."
i remember learning that the word for the compassion that Jesus felt was a word that meant deep feeling from the gut. he saw not just their physical need but their spiritual condition, their real need.
*when i see people, i just see people. it is a real challenge to see souls...conditions...to not just take things at face value. it might be a little too overwhelming...too painful to consider their souls. so i just see masses not hearts and real needs. God grant me your eyes and most of all your compassion to see people and the needs as you do.
you know i've often quoted this passage and asked God to raise up workers. certainly we need this, but here Jesus says ask God to "send out" workers into the harvest field. maybe there are plenty of spiritual workers...christians who could be used of God to help others...the church. but maybe we're all just sitting on our duffs, expecting somebody else to do the work. maybe we just need to go out and need that push from God.
*i know for me i just stay in my bubble. stepping out of my comfort zone is an exception not my rule. comfort is my idol. i often make my decsions according to what my own comfort says...not what God desires. its interesting that this is the passage that God gave me to read the day before my wedding. God, may Ji and I be a couple that is not about our comfort but one that is filled with your from-the-gut -compassion, your vision, and your selflessness to go out and serve a hurting world.
T-now less than 1 day till our wedding
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| 27As Jesus went on from there, two blind men followed him, calling out, "Have mercy on us, Son of David!" 28When he had gone indoors, the blind men came to him, and he asked them, "Do you believe that I am able to do this?"
"Yes, Lord," they replied. 29Then he touched their eyes and said, "According to your faith will it be done to you"; 30and their sight was restored. Jesus warned them sternly, "See that no one knows about this." 31But they went out and spread the news about him all over that region. 32While they were going out, a man who was demon-possessed and could not talk was brought to Jesus. 33And when the demon was driven out, the man who had been mute spoke. The crowd was amazed and said, "Nothing like this has ever been seen in Israel." 34But the Pharisees said, "It is by the prince of demons that he drives out demons."
why is faith so important to God?
Jesus seems to always draw attention to this and wants to make the importance of faith really clear to the people He is healing (its all throughout this chapter, the previous chapter, this account, all the other accounts). I mean Jesus could have just gone around healing people...especially in this case with the blind men...im sure Jesus could have figured out what they wanted. he didnt even have to talk to them...He could have just healed them. but He asks them if they believe. like He wants to emphasize that before He heals them. He tells them things will be done for them in accordance to their faith. Why does he do this? Why is faith so essential?
im still not really sure. here are some of my guesses/thoughts: 1) He's not after just making people feel better physically...He wants the people to know where there hearts are...to vocalize what they really think of God and what He is capable of. Its not that God doesnt know whats in our hearts...sometimes we dont know for ourselves until we acknowledge it.
2) He's preparing them for a future relationship with Him even if He isnt physically present with them. If Jesus just went around healing people when people were near Him they might think that they actually needed to be physically near Him. that if He wasnt around then nothing would happen...that there wouldn't really be a relationship. Maybe if He reminded them about the importance of faith they would realize that God's power/presence is available where ever you are...i think the centurion in the previous chapter understood this. He knew that Jesus didnt even have to be physically there to heal a person...that Jesus only needed to say the word and it would be done. Jesus commends his faith...like this centurion understood God in a way that others did not. 3) He wants us to take our focus off of ourselves and what we can do and to focus more on what God can do. if Jesus did not emphasize faith to these people maybe they might think that their persistence, their cleverness in getting to Him, or some merit of their own made the miracle possible. if they knew it was by faith...its really not anything to boast about...its just because believed God could do it...that God is powerful.
4) He wants us to trust Him, to be assured of His person so much, that even if we dont see anything at first, that He will follow through. at least for me, when someone doesnt trust me...when someone doesnt think i am competent for the task...it reveals what they really think of me. it belittles me. its an insult to my person. now i am probably not very competent often. but when we think this about God...what are we saying about Him? arent we saying He isnt really God?
hmm im not sure if im making sense and i still havent figured it out yet. maybe God is asking me "david, do you believe i can do this?" "your answer will show what you think of Me."
T-2 days till wedding!
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| 18While he was saying this, a ruler came and knelt before him and said, "My daughter has just died. But come and put your hand on her, and she will live." 19Jesus got up and went with him, and so did his disciples. 20Just then a woman who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years came up behind him and touched the edge of his cloak. 21She said to herself, "If I only touch his cloak, I will be healed." 22Jesus turned and saw her. "Take heart, daughter," he said, "your faith has healed you." And the woman was healed from that moment. 23When Jesus entered the ruler's house and saw the flute players and the noisy crowd, 24he said, "Go away. The girl is not dead but asleep." But they laughed at him. 25After the crowd had been put outside, he went in and took the girl by the hand, and she got up. 26News of this spread through all that region. Its interesting that as Jesus is speaking about the timing of things a time has come for him to demonstrate this principal that there is a time for everything. A time to encounter Jesus. One will be a little girl. Another will be an older woman.
For the first it seems time has run out. the father of the girl says she is dead but he believes that if Jesus touches her she will be brought back to life. everyone is sure she is dead and the funeral music is already playing. Jesus sees something else...that she is only sleeping. people laugh at him. Indeed she is brought back to life when Jesus touches her.
For the second it seems all she has is time. time full of ailment. for twelve years she was bleeding and no one could help her. waiting, hoping, hurting. nothing. then she hears Jesus has come to town and believes that if she could just touch the edge of his cloak she will be healed. nobody notices when she does this little thing. Jesus notices. Indeed she is healed completely when she touches Jesus.
Different walks of life, different times in life. They both encounter Jesus. One thing unites and transforms them both: faith in Jesus in the face of impossible circumstances.
The girl is dead. its too late. impossible for anything to change. The woman has been bleeding for twelves years. nothing has worked, might as well give up. impossible for anything to change.
believing in Christ, in just even a touch from Him, in the face of seemingly insurmountable situations is faith.
do we have such faith? do i have such faith?
Lord, i do believe, help me overcome my unbelief! T-3 days till wedding.
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